These words come out sick & twisted.
I tried to take that chance but I missed it.
I regret it every day of my life.
Sometimes I think about slitting my throat with a knife.
But, I think about the life that I live.
I survived, after all the shit I was put through as a kid.
Sometimes I wish I could have been with my dad just a little bit longer.
Then I realized all this bullshit is just making me stronger.
Though at times if feels as if I’m carrying around a boulder,
I still keep this head placed perfectly on my shoulders.
I know I may crumble, I know I may trip.
I know I’m gonna fell, yes I know I’m gonna slip.
But, I’m not gonna quit. Na, fuck that shit.
I’m no ending up like my good for nothing dad,
Who sacrificed everything we had for his addiction.
We had fucking pot plants growing in our kitchen.
Nice life dad, you regret it?
Of course you dont, you let it happen.
You didnt get a chance to see me grow.
You left me ten years ago!
Dad, you’re sitting at an all time low.
You’ll be locked up soon though.
I hope that time goes by oh so slow.
You know, I’m not a bad child.
I don’t hang out with crowds that go wild.
I keep to myself quite a bit, you see.
Im not living my life for anyone, except me.
I dont know when you’re gonna get it through your head.
You mean nothing to me, all those memories are dead.
You let us slip away from your not so tight hold.
I hope that jail cell is mighty fuckin’ cold.

It’s all wrong, you’re gone. I wish we could make things right. I fight to stay in the spotlight, but it’s just too bright. & down I fall. I fall ‘till I hit. I’m tired of this shit. I’d take it all back in one single spit. But I cant, it’s done. You’ve won. My head aches, my body shakes, I can feel as my heart breaks. My world crumbles down, I cant hear a sound; as I fall to the ground. My life is nothing but a fucking song. I listen as everyone starts to sing along. There’s nothing I can do. When you left, I was crushed, but I stepped back, & watched as you flew. I’ll regret watching you go. I know, I promised I wouldn’t; but I’m sick of this show. I hope for the best, I can feel a weight being lifted off my chest. You’ll no longer bring me down, as I dream of a smile to replace this God forsaken frown.

I hope you know I cared for you,
More than anyone else in my life.
I hope you know you got me through,
When nothing else felt right.
I hope you know you made me believe,
When I felt I was dead.
I just wish you wouldn't leave,
& that you didn't wreck my head.
I hope for the best,
While everything is tearing at the seams.
It's time to lay me down to rest,
Along with all my dreams.
I just want you to know,
You'll always have a place in my heart.
I don't know how else to show,
How much it hurt to fall apart.
You're too beautiful to cry,
I miss how close we used to be.
I'm sorry, but I'm saying goodbye.
You meant everything to me.

I'm here for you, no matter how many miles away I'll get you through. I know what it's like to feel alone. The silence, the pressure, it cuts straight to the bone. I want you to smile for me, I want you to realize that happiness is the key. You're too young to want to die, It's an incredible feeling to know you're alive. you've got so much potential in that beautiful head of yours. Darling, you're intelligence will open many doors. You've got a full life ahead of yourself. It's time to lay your sadness down on the shelf. The cuts on your arm will come to show, that you made it through, and you are a hero. The beauty you possess is brighter than the sun, In the end, you will smile because you know you have won.

I gave you my all,
In which I got nothing in return.
I try to get myself together,
But wind up getting burned.
I gave you all my trust,
Something I learned quick I shouldn't do.
you forced me into believing,
That I couldn't live without you.
Now I realize all your lies.
How you told me you'd never say goodbye.
How you broke my heart again and again,
It was my fault too, letting my depression win.
We used to be the best of friends,
But I guess friendship always ends.
You'll always have a place in my heart.
right now I need to find a new place to start.
Start anew without you in my head.
'Causing me to restlessly toss and turn in bed.
you screwed with my emotions,
leaving me crying in pain,
& To think you were the only one,
Who kept me completely sane.
For awhile I thought you were everything I was looking for,
but in the end, I just wanted nothing more.
I'm sorry it has to be this way,
i'm doing this for me, It's a brand new day.

I've hurt you too much to go on.
I promise i wont forget you when I'm gone.
You may me who I am today.
I also helped you out, along the way.
but now It's time to say good bye.
When I'm not here, please don't cry.
I love you a lot and I'll be in your dreams.
Remember everything is not as it seems.
We had our good times, sadly it couldn't last.
Everything we used to have, is now fading in the past.
I was the reason for your pain.
As I was sitting here, crying out in vain.
Now that it's all said and done,
I may have lost my life, but the battle has been won.
Don't wish for me to come back, on 11:11.
'cause Darling, I'll always be looking down at you from Heaven.

I don't know how to make you happy, I'm trying with all my might. you tell me to keep holding on, but my grip really isn't that tight. I'm sorry for hurting you so many times. I wish we could turn back the clocks, set our heads on rewind- But since we cant we'll have to deal with it, Knowing that this chaotic match has already been lit. You're pulling the guilt trip, and I don't know how to act. I know for fact the way I act causes the way you react. This gets out of hand, We both know it's true. But we keep crawling back with our " I cant live without you's " I love you to pieces, It's just we cant get it right. No matter how hard we try, We cant resist a fight. I'm not gonna lie, You're a big part of me. When I talk to you, I'm as free as I can be. I want us to be okay, Pull it together and just fake a smile. Because, Talking to you, makes all the fights worth while. You saved me from myself, and for that I thank you. I also thank you for making me stronger, too. I'm trying not to lose my balance, as I'm walking on this wire. 'Cause I know if I do, i'll be falling into fire. I want to live, I like being alive. But I know if I don't have you in my life I cant survive. We can pull through together, Just take my hand. & In the end, We'll be together. Facing the world as we stand.

That smile, that is so perfectly placed on your beautiful face, Makes me want to live my life at a slower pace. You're my world, even though we always fight. In the end, everything always turns out to be alright. You make me happy, you know it's true. I wouldn't be anywhere, If I hadn't met you. You're the sunshine on my cloudy days. When you talk to me, Everything is okay. I know I've hurt you, I know I've let you down. But if you give me another chance, I'll turn this all around. Your beauty, your grace, your smile. Comes to show I'd walk a thousand miles, just to know you'll stick around for awhile. I love you a lot, I'm begging you, to just give me one more shot.

My past is the past, and I live from it. you don't understand, how much I had to give for it. I lived with a druggie mom, and a deadbeat dad. Living with my siblings who were constantly sad. I never knew what was going on, When my mom was kidnapped and my dad was gone. I almost lost my mom that night, and until then- I've done nothing but fight. Fight for my right to survive in this place. For if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be running this race, Our families overcome so much it's unreal. As a family we decided that we know how to feel. We're together, without the man who created us. Our dead beat dad, not with us? that's a plus. We're getting along just fine you know. Sometimes I wish You should just happen to show. Maybe say hi? Or even a goodbye, for I didn't hear shit, I just listened to you lie. I miss you, but it's come to show. I don't need you in my life, no more. this is the end, no more writing about you. Look how fucking good we're doing after all the shit you put us through? Just shows how lucky we really are. that we all didn't end up like you- sitting at the bar. Drinking your beers, and smoking your crack. Daddy did you know? your brain is fucking wack. you're destroying your life, before you even had a change to live with your family. Most people might agree, for I know now- you're nothing to me.

I'll be fine without you, I just want you, to be happy too. We were so close, but every living thing has to die. I didn't mean for it to hurt you, or by any means make you cry. You were the most important thing to me, I think it's time now, that I set you free. You don't have to worry about me holding you back. Or constantly making you feel as if you're having a panic attack. Forgive me for I tried, to be the best thing for you. When I told you, I'll always care- I promise I still do. I'll always love you, until the end. & in my heart, you'll always be; the perfect best friend.

Make me believe that I’m worth something, anything for I am done trying. I try to give myself hope, but it’s my body that keeps lying. You tell me to keep my head up. that’s what I’m trying to do. But It’s hard when I realize, all the stuff that I’ve gone through. I know that’s the past, yet it still lingers in my head. I’m tossing and turning, and screaming in my bed. Life’s like a roller coaster, when you get to the top- you drop- You travel down at maximum capacity unable to stop. When the rides over and you’re done living, It’s time to stop taking and learn to start giving. For you don’t have too long- Before your soul escapes your body and your mindless and gone. Live like today is gonna be your last, Because your life-span could care less about your past. Try to smile every now and then to show~ a different side of you, that no one else will know. Depression is just a crater in your journey. Don’t you see? If you put your mind to it, You’ll end up where you want to be.

I haven’t been able to write.
My emotions are too exhausted to fight.
I wish I could feel live again.
But there’s something- that keeps pulling me in.
My chaotic life has dulled down.
My exotic smile as turned into a frown.
My fucked up face, looks like a clown.

I scream with all my might,
But I cant make a sound.

I found my smile,
It’s been awhile.
I’ve been itching to feel this way for far too long.

My laughter has returned,
This depression has burned.
My life has become worth living, again.

I used to think there was nothing left to live for. I fought with my all, but there was just no more. I hated life, it was nothing but a bore. I know so much now, that I didn’t know before.

I was a monster. Adrenaline was pulsing through my veins. I tore out my insides, and on the ground lay my remains. My emotions were running faster than trains. You can tell, I had been crying. For on my cheeks there are stains.

I was the girl, who was pushed around.
Who fell to the ground.
Yet_ I never made a sound.

I’ve let you control me for far too long. You forced my emotions through battles of ping-pong. What you made me feel was wrong. In the end you were defeated,


My depression is gone.

I don’t like the way we live.
How we get nothing in return- but all we do is give.
No one has respect, just pouring out lies.
No more ‘Hello’s.’ Just painful ‘Goodbyes.’
I want to be the one, who changes society.
When people don’t have to question propriety.
I rant too much- no one cares.
I scream my thoughts- and get hurtful stares.
I’m just trying to get through to you.
So you can see what I have become, and how much I have grew.
From a child I was careless- Wild, yet free.
Now look at me. what do you see?
A teenager hurting, from all the tears she has cried.
One who has a mother, who hasn’t ever tried.
A young girl with dreams she thinks she cant achieve.
One who gets hurt- From wearing her heart on her sleeve.


You’re my mom, you should know what you’re reading is true.
Is it hard to take in- that I want some love from you?

You mean the world to me.

I love you more than anything,
Cant you see?
You're amazing.
& You mean everything to me.

Death,

I feel like it's the only answer.
The one thing that I'm sure of.
I'm longing for something I cant receive.
All I want is love.
For someone to know I exist.
And Tell me it's going to be okay.
But, instead of that.
All my friends are pushing me away.
I don't know what to feel.
I have no soul.
All I'm longing for,
Is someone to make me whole.
A friend I can turn too,
When I feel dead,
Some where that I can run to.
Some place to rest my head.

What do I do, Now that I've lost you.
I guess I did awhile ago, I'm just getting it through,
My veins traveling back to my heart where It began.
As a child I would run into the arms of a loving man,
Who taught me wrong from right,
Gave me light and sight,
And looking at you now, this light is too bright
You make it hard to say,
that we share the same DNA,
You're a horrible excuse of a father.
Why do I even bother.
You're nothing but a druggie, crack crack crack,
Hey Dad! If you haven't noticed, You're brain is wack wack wack.
Wake up and smell the real word, Listen to me yell!
Hey Daddy, did you hear? You're going straight to hell.

Untitled.

I feel like nothing matters.
Maybe it's just me.
I feel like I'm a nobody.
But, I'm being the best I can be.
I feel like giving up.
On everything that matters.
I'll just sit back and watch.
As my world falls down and shatters.
I'm never as happy as I used to be.
It's like, I've been ripped apart,
Like everything I used to care about,
Has been stolen from my heart.
I wish there was something I could do,
To fix this mess I'm in,
I feel like I'm sinking into depression;
but this time I wont let it win.
But what do I do if it does?
Will I break down and cry?
No, It's not going to happen.
Maybe possible just a tie.

Sometimes.

Sometimes I think back to how it used to be.
When everything was a simple as, 1.. 2.. 3.
When most things were make believe.
&_Being young. Careless, and free.
Then I grew up.
&-Now I see,
Sometimes it's better, to be just me.

I miss you.

Everyday I think back,
When I would spend every moment with you.
Then thing's changed.
Why? I don't have a clue.
You're mom started too hate me.
I don't know what I did.
She called me a bad influence,
Ha, She's just protecting her kid.
You're my best friend, though.
Tearing us apart is the wrong thing to do.
We did everything together.
It's not right without you.
You could make me laugh so hard.
We were foolish, and lame.
But your mom had to ruin it.
With her silent treatment game.
I'm determined to see you,
Whenever I can.
Maybe one day Peter Pan will kidnap us,
& Fly us out to Neverland.